I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
