she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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