paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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