Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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