Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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