I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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