I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she told me i tasted like america
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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