I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
