i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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