what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
