Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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