i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
