I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My ass is underappreciated
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
