Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
