First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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