i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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