Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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