Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
