Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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