he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
