You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
