This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
