sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
