My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
