Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
