So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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