Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
