i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
