Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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