I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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