im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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