Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
