Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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