I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
