false alarm. still invincible.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
