im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
