I think my fart just growled at me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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