I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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