He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
