That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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