The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
