Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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