Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
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She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
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Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
false alarm, still single
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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