the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
