Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize