there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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