I wish I could teleport
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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