And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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