i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
