I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
