I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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