i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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