The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
