p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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