Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
