I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
