I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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