did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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