my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
