Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Can I color on your dick again?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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