Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I want a musical about memes.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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