I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize