he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
