If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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