Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
