Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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