i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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