never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
In America we eat man semen.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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