i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
