apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
