yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
