My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
