i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
