I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
