my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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