we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
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She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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