You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
