I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
