if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
