Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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