Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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