I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
