Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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