Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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