I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
