I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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