But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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