i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
