are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
