have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
